Thursday, October 30, 2003
Guess what guys? I got a letter from an admirer. No no wait! Don't click the X from all your disappointment! Let me finish. This letter was from a co-worker. If I could scan and post it I promise you I would. When I went to check my inbox in the copy room I saw an envelop. I check my inbox periodically. Everyone in my office overvalues their title so much that they'd rather walk to the copy room and put things in my box, instead of simply walking the extra 3 feet to my office and putting it on my desk. Doing that would make them feel too much like my personal assistant or secretary (or maybe even human), I suspect. I don't have any problems throwing things on their desks though, but this is neither here nor there because I'm about to run away from this circus and they don't even know it yet. Suckers.
Back to the note! I walked back to my office, tore it open and started reading the following:
I wanted to let you know something. I'm the type of person that comes right out and says what's on their mind and I like to come right out and say what I feel. I don't know what your situation is if you have a man, but I've been checking you for a while now. Would it be alright if we get to know each other better? I don't want to offend you or mess our professional relationship up so if I've offended you I apologize. Let's keep this between us.
I proceed to immediately pick up my phone (whenever you tell a someone not to do something...well) and call one of my close co-workers over. She comes in and I tell her to close the door. I pass her the letter immediatley. She reads it and looks at me in disbelief. We are both equally amazed. We begin to bust out laughing like a bunch of school girls. I'm talking about laughing profusely at his note! I love getting high off laughter, my tummy really filled with delight! These are the reasons we laughed until our throats went dry:
1) If he is such an upfront type of man... why is he giving me a letter?
2) Uh, you have your Masters, 70% of our job is writing, why does the letter look like it was written by a 7th grade child(... make that 5th grade)?
3) Of course this would make me feel uncomfortable.
4) I'm not interested.
5) In you.
6) Miss me please.
7) Does this mean he won't buy me lunch anymore?
8) Who is this Jah person?
9) Now there will be weirdness.
10) Thanks a lot partner.
11) You're a real team player.
12) He's got dragon breath.
I would have never even considered dating someone I work with. I don't know how people even do that. How does that work? Nevermind, I don't want to know. The most hilarious and stich splitting part of the story has not yet been told folks. The day after I got the letter he never even mentioned it. Huh? Wha? Can Jah help me out here? He's going to drop a bomb like that and then let me rock? Talk about leaving someone hanging. He's an attractive looking guy (the dragon breath part is true which leaves a stinky smokey haze around all the positives). He is Jamaican with long dreads. He kind of looks like a smaller shorter version of the guy who used to host teen summit. I think he may be trying to get into that naturalist stuff, instead of using toothpaste he may chew on twigs and peppermint sticks in the morning. I knew this guy in school who used to be into that. He didn't use any kind of household deodorant or toothpaste. We started calling him Teardrop because his funk made us cry. Back to my story though....
He's such a nice guy and aside from all my banter I am flattered. I'm just not interested in getting into a nightmare..... errr situation like that. Bad business. If this 28 years old grown man doesn't bring the letter up than neither will I. It's not my responsibility, besides I feel like I've done more than enough by making an entire post full of mockery and ridicule. My work here is done. I don't even know what I would say. Rejection is not uplifting and I know how it feels. The last time I put myself out there for a guy was when I was 19 and he dissed me. He said negative. I basically ran with my tail between my legs- yes I have a tail...it's long and slender. Problems!? The guy did it in a nice way, but still... it's never a good feeling. I think the guy at my job is just looking for a woman that's smaller than him-- and that's pretty hard to come by because he is a tiny little dude. I could hold him in the cup of my hands like a delicate little butterfly. Small girls don't like small guys because then our babies will come out small. You heard it here first kids!
I think I'll just say, "I don't mix my personal life with my professional life (unless you look like Loon or Blair Underwood)". Of course the last part will be mumbled... I'm not stupid. How long do you think it will be until he says something? I hope it takes forever... literally.
Tuesday, October 28, 2003
- Am I the only one that thinks Christina looks like a pelican?
- Didn't the other Matrix JUST come out? I'm not ready for this one.
- So is everyone trying to turn yoga positions into new dance moves or is it just my imagination?
- Who en dee hayle cares about Liza Minnelli's love life?
- So what is a person REALLY supposed to do in front of an immense group when they have a SEVERE WEDGY? Remember, it's SEVERE so the shifting and wiggling thing won't work.
- Never mind how the wedgy got there... just give me the SOLLUTION man!
- Thongs feel like one big wedgy.
- If it's wider than an inch or so, Houston will have a problem.
- I can't stand to wear them things any more.
- I have come to a conclusion that if you wear thongs enough times consecutively it will permanently widden your butt crack.
- IT'S TRUE!
- So is Cristal the new forty?
- Yesterday I saw someone try to hop out of their car with their seatbelt still on... painfully funny.
- It makes more sense to take a shower at night then in the morning. Think about it.
- How does stuff get under toenails? Is that like dead skin?
- I really thought Chico Debarge was going to have a successful career.
- I also thought the Yankees would win.
- Also thought McDonalds would bring back there butter cookies... you know, the McDonald Land jump offs.
- I can't stand video countdown shows. Pretty pointless if you ask me.
- MTV should come up with "Made" episodes for adults... I'd like to be made into a breakdancer... among other things.
- Bubblin' brown sugar a sugar with a happy beat!
Bubblin' brown sugar joy is what it's all about!
Bubblin' brown sugar a sugar with a happy feet!
Bubblin' brown sugar is a simulated Harlem treat!
- Why en dee hayle did P. Diddy cut his hair in a mohawk?? Uh.... He's doin' too much right now. Pump your breaks YOUR SPEEDING!
- I think the best scent on a man is the smell of a dinner he cooked.
- Next to that it's got to be Issey Miyake and Marc Jacobs for men.
- What's so great about big breast? What do men really think they're going to do with them anyway?
- Don't answer that.
- Big breast are about as useful as big balls.
- Why get implants? Seriously, male validation is not that important.
- No I haven't been programmed to say this.
- Yes... I do have implants, but they're for work.
- I now understand that public nose picking and burping is not frowned upon in most cultures.
- Clay Aiken's has THE weirdest looking ears I've EVER seen in my life. Yes, I have taken E.T.'s into consideration. I stand firm on my opinion.
- So what are some good board games out now?
- Don't answer that I hate board games.
- Just filling space don't mind me.
- What do I like, you ask?
- Well, I like you.
- Other than that... very few things.
- You're not supposed to put sugar in you're grits you're supposed to put butter... it's not oatmeal. Which I detest.
- Oatmeal looks like something that's already been processed by the intestine.
- I once went a whole day in school with a curler in my hair and not one person had the DECENCY to tell me.
- Does anyone have a copy of Group Home's "Supa Star"?
- How about "In the Ghetto" by Eric B. and Rakim?
- From what I've seen having two windows in a drive thru is no more assertive than one.
- I think they should implement booing the kids on the Apollo... a lot of them suck.
- I can not tell a lie.
- Well, I could... but I'd rather boo.
- If you lay toilet tissue in the toilet bowl before hand, you can avoid splash backs.
- This is the first day of the rest of your life.
Sunday, October 26, 2003
My friend went on two dates\meetings with two guys from that date networking thing. Is it really a date if you pay for your own food? I know it's a date when one person pays for all the meals. I don't want to get too into details (I'm really dying to because it would be funnier then an episode of Will and Grace), but one cornball had numerous IM conversations with my friend before they even met up. He talked about what a gentleman he was and basically pleaded with her to go out to lunch and then the highfalutin negro is going to ask for a separate bill. He ASKED for a separate bill. I don't think you understand. He. Asked. For. A. Separate. Bill. What?! She said she was so pissed at the tactless way he went about it, that when the waitress bought the bills back she pulled out her card and said she'd pay for his meal and hers. Bravo. He didn't protest. What a clown. Some of you may think she was crazy for that, but not me. I would have done the same thing. She was basically letting him know that she can pay for his meal, her meal, and possibly everyone else who may have been dining at the time. She was making a statement and the statement was: You are a little piece of man if you think I went out with you to get a free meal and you have just embarrassed yourself by pulling a stunt like that on a woman like me. The guy is a nut. The rule still remains, if you ask someone out be prepared to pay for their meal and whatever else you may plan on doing. If you want to go dutch let us know that ahead of time... it takes a minute to change nationality. I never go anywhere without having money to cover my own expenses, but nothing like that has ever happened to me. I don't have a problem paying for a guy though. I've tried to pay so many times and the guys still won't let me pay no matter how insistent I try to be.
I saw the last episode of Newlyweds yesterday. Nick did something really annoying, it's a pet peeve I have. He planned a weekend for Jessica and it was very thoughtful, but a part of his plan didn't work out and he told her about it. They end up doing the activity later (hot air ballooning), but before that he made this big orchestrated speech about what he planned on doing and told her that it didn't work out blah blah blah. I hate when a guy tells me what he "planned to do" or what he was "going to do". "Almost but no cigar" type of discussions turn me off. You don't get cool points from me for what you were "gonna" do. I hate being told about a surprise that didn't go through. Don't tell me at all, just keep it to yourself. It only leaves a feeling of disappointment that would have never been there if he'd just kept it to himself. If it didn't work this time then try again later... no need to share your failures with me. Like it's suppose to make me feel good that you almost bought me a mercedes, but you didn't have enough money. Or you almost bought me flowers but the florist was closed. Just shut up and keep that mess to yourself. Sometimes it's not the thought that counts it's the execution. If you didn't execute then there's no need to share it.
Okay enough with the negativity of disappointing men let's talk about some good and entertaining ones. Go visit some of my male links: Calvin, Max, Bill, Taj, Al_boogie, Kevin, Damon, Ramblin' and nOva. Y'all expect direct linkage?! You've got to be kidding me. *giggling*
Friday, October 24, 2003
Writing about him makes me remember other A level B level and C level celebs I've encountered. I might as well write about them now before I get too old to remember.
Please be mindful that the following comments are subjective and I am aware that people have their good days bad days whatever blah blah blah. These are just my experiences. So here it goes, with no particular order:
Reverend Run- I met him at my hair salon in high school. It was on 59th street... his wife (?) was getting her wig tossed. He was dipped in white looking oh so crisp. He looked really fly. He pulled out such a big wad of cash I nearly fell out. At that age I never saw anyone pull out so much cash at once. It was bananas!
Jay Z- I've met him twice. Once in college and another time before that at the Rucker's before he was as heavy as he is now. He was ultra cool. No attitude. This was back when he had the platinum Lexus. He stopped his car and let me take a picture with him (some cornball in the passengers seat tried to get in the flick... could have been Dame... I repositioned my camera. LOL). He was a gentleman and really down to earth on both occasions.
Camron- This cat is really feeling himself. He likes to make a lot of eye contact. He tried to give a little rap, but please.
Kwame- I saw him on the #3 train with my high school boyfriend. He had a high fade and specks on blonde in his hair. I don't know what's worse black men OR black women with bleached blonde hair. It wasn't totally blonde though...I'll give him that much. My boyfriend was laughing and making jokes about him being played out and a one hit wonder. I got annoyed and proceeded to walk as far away from my boyfriend as possible. Kwame stared him down.
Most Def- I saw him this past summer on Prince Street. I made eye contact with him. I think he has a lot of sex appeal. I touched his arm hello to acknowledge that I knew who he was and he said "Hi Miss lady." and touched my arm back. I like him.
Queen Latifah- She's okay, but she has a bit of a tude. I also saw her at the Rucker's ( I always try and bring a camera to the Rucker's because there are always celebs). This was years ago before all the movie roles, but after Living Single. So, I say hi (I'm not a screamer or anything- I'm casual about it). I asked to take a picture and she said yes. I stopped and the chick kept walking so I'm like... okay. She turns around (while walking) and she was like "Well, go ahead!". With her stank self.
Frenchie (from American Idol)- I saw her this summer by 42nd Street. She was standing outside with some of her other stage mates (she's in some theater production now). She was on the phone and I said, "Hi Frenchie." and kept it movin'. She was like, "Hi.". She looked at me like 'who the hell are you?!'. LOL. She is NOT as heavy as she looks on Tv.
The DJ from De La Soul- I forgot his name. One of you old heads will tell me I'm sure. He really is a mute in real life. He's very soft spoken. He was DJing at a Boat Ride I went on in high school. He gave me an autograph. Who knows where that thing is?
Biggie Smalls and Lil' Cease- Biggie is a heavy guy, but he's not THAT big. Well, he wasn't so big when I met him. I met him at club Esso's in like 1996-97. I was a youngin'. He was cool. He doesn't dance and he stayed posted up on the wall. He asked how old I was. I told the truth because I didn't know where he was going with it... which could have been no where. He never said anything offensive. He was cool. Little Cease is real short. He's maybe 5"5 5"6.
Ludacris and DTP- I actually ended up in their hotel room after a show they did at my friends school on campus. It's TOTALLY NOT WHAT YOU THINK. They were all cool. All gentlemen. I didn't meet the girl of the group though. They smoke a lot of weed (blech). We had a nice hour and a half conversation. They showed us all the stuff they bought that day. Titty from DTP was trying to hit... which wasn't even about to happen. Did you read my last post? He wasn't blatant about it, but I've seen the drill and it wasn't happenin' captain. Ludacris does indeed have a big head- literally.
I saw Whitney Houston and Bobby Brown at a mall in New Jersey. She is totally unapproachable.
Baley (from Party of Five) Scott Wolf (?)- I forgot his real name. He's a really nice guy. He had friendly conversation and he's very down to earth.
Kelis- Another person that is feeling themselves. I have seen her so many times it's not even funny. I usually see her in Harlem. She always stares me up and down like she's got beef. Shouldn't I be staring her down? I could have sworn she even rolled her eyes at me one time. Maybe she thinks she knows me. I never even approached her or made any kind of eye contact because she's still B level. She has great style though.
Mike Tyson- Yark. He is a total pin head. He actually called me out in public as I was going up an escalator and he was going down another. He said, "I want the one right there in the brown! Come here for a second! Come over here! Let me talk to you!" The guy is a nutt. My friends were dying laughing at his foolery. As I said, yark! Not a gentleman.
Sister Souljah- She's a cool Lady. Very positive and down to earth. I really liked her vibe. She said she appreciated our exchange which I did as well. I met her after a lecture she gave when I was in undergrad. One thing that disturbed me was the two childish ponytails she had in her hair. It was very Jr. High-esque (this woman is well into her thirties). She also had on an 8 ball leather jacket *coughing back gags*. She seemed to be stuck in the coldest winter ever... era 1992. C'mon now, time to update and escalate the look, Souljah. Yet and still no love lost.
Louis Farrahkhan- He was alright. He still looked very good for his age. It looked like he had a conk in his hair. Nice strong hand shake. He keeps it moving just like a politician.
Mary J. Blige- I saw her at the Shark Bar in New york. She was having dinner with her mom. She smiled and went about her business. Understandable. She's not as tall as I thought she was. She must wear a lot of heels.
Gwendolyn Brooks- She was such a sweet woman and a beautiful poet. She shared kind words with me and was very positive. I liked her a whole lot.
Rah Diggah- She was getting a fake pony tail put in at Hilda's on 125th. I didn't even know they put fake pieces in over there. It came out nice. She was being a little show boat though. Talking all loud to Busta Rhymes on her cell. How do I know this? Because she was screming "Yeah Bus... word Busta I know! I'm getting my hair done right now Busta! I'm going to call you later Busta! Alright Bus I'll call you later." She kept saying his name so many times and keep in mind I'm under the dryer... she certainly wasn't trying to be hushed. She was also screaming on the girl babysitting her kids. Hot mess.
I've met more politicians and celebs, but I can't think of all of them at the moment. I may feel inspired to edit this post and add more as they come to me. I've had some pretty good experiences with my brief celebrity contacts. This sparked some good memories.
Wednesday, October 22, 2003
I just think random sex with all different types of people is really bad business for a man AND a woman. This includes putting your lips to genitalia too... you ain't slick. Okay somebody out there is sucking there teeth at me, but I know a girl that has HIV and is still having random sex. She looks as healthy as Beyonce and has no idea who she got it from. She's had it for two years now and is in total denial... I take that back. She's pissed and indignant and you want to know what she said, "Whoever I gave it to can find out just like me- by a Doctors visit because I don't remember getting an I'm sorry phone call". She is still passing around this disease like it's the common cold. Tell me what's so liberating about that?
This post is purely personal and moral and not meant to change anyone's view, but I'm tired of all this sexual liberation propoganda. I don't see what's so freeing about having double digit partners. The unsettling thing is now you don't need double digit partners to catch something. There is NOTHING WRONG with being abstinent, celibate, or a virgin. There is nothing wrong with making a conscious decision to protect your mind and body. It doesn't mean your're frigid, you're prude, or you're non-sexual, it simply means you've made a conscious choice to protect yourself. Don't try to help me understand the liberation garbage either because I never will. It's Greek to me. Pure nonsense.
Monday, October 20, 2003
Let me try and stay focus with this entry. Overall the trip was well worth it... well there was one traumatizing moment, but then again there are very few things that I get through without being tramautized in some way shape or form. We'll get to the drama part in a sec. Help me focus here people. I had a half day treatment and they gave me herbal tea with real china! Yeah man, I've used real china before, but I've never been given table china at a beauty salon before it was so... chabby chic. I decided to get the Genisis Treatment which includes a full body massage, skin treatment, facial, manicure and pedicure. I had a real moment. I was going to say ixnay on the full body massage because I was more interested in beautifying my skin. I didn't think I really needed a massage ( plus my cheap alter ego resurfaced when I saw the prices), but I decided if I was going to do this I was going to go all out. They gave us fruit and croissants. The fruit was very crisp and fresh and the croissants were nice and fluffy NOT the stale "blech!" kind. Let me just say this: EVERYONE NEEDS A MASSAGE. Even if you think you don't- YOU DO. YOU KNOW NOTHING. The body has alot of muscles and when you move you use them and if you decide to move on a daily basis then you are gonna need to be rubbed up. I feel like a brand new woman now that I've had that treatment. My body feels rejuvinated and my skin is glistening. The owner was very nice and she was telling us which products to buy that will reverse some of the wear and tear that we do to our skin. One thing she did mention was to stop using a washcloth on our face. I already knew this though. I never wash my face with a washcloth. I always use my hands. I use my hands on my body too. If I feel like I need to get rough then I use cleansing exfoliates. Stop getting personal with me. I do not need you pervs imagining me rubbing my glistening wet body with water dripping down my back... hee hee. Nah but I am not big on washcloths and germs. Eh. Not a fan. I am a fan of disposable face cloths though... and um body cloths. I do have a back brush, but I do weird things to disinfect that regularly. How did I get on this topic? Oh yes yes... the lady said don't use the cloths and I concur.
Can you beleive they tried to wash my hair up in there too? Now you know when it comes to black hair, white people are inept. I was not trying to hear it. She was no where near selling this Eskimo that ice. She offered to do it for free, but I shut her down. In a nice way. Then the workers began hovering around us and examining our hair (it was a slow day for them I guess they were thirsty for something to do). Now here is the trauma part. This was a day of firsts for me. I don't mind getting a little personal because I am about to share some information that I did not know... so I'm just going to go ahead and assume that another young unsuspecting lady, very well may be as clueless as I was. Bikini wax.
Now I ask for a waxing. I have always done my own little trimmings, but lets face it: I need a professional to shape me up so my stuff can look official. I thought a Brazilian wax was getting the nooks and crannies and shaping it up a bit. No dear friend. They tried to bald me! I am not with that. An ample amount of hair needs to be down there... for security purposes. Besides all that, I am not a child. That is one important physical aspect that separates a woman from a girl. I think it's a bit perverse to be completely bald down there. She offered the option of a strip... barely the width of a pointing finger. No no no no no... this would not do either. Just as perverse. The woman said, "What are you getting waxed for if you want to keep all your hair?" I told her, "Well I don't want the nooks and crannies and I would like some clean lines on the top... can't you achieve a conservative look for me? I'm not the first one that has asked for that am I?". She had too much talk back for me and I was trying to figure out how I could shank her nice and smooth while still holding the towel around my naked B-hind. Bikini waxers are very much like hair dressers. They know what you want, but they always have their own agenda. They get scissor\wax happy and ish. I began to get very descriptive with her. I broke it DOWN. I'm talking about all the way to the ground DOWN. You have to be clear when it comes to body hair because once the damage is done it's done and they have to finish the effed up job..which is all they wanted from the beginning. She tried to charge me extra even though I kept 50% of my pubs. We made nice towards the end. I don't even have alot left, but I wanted something there... I don't wanna be bald. Why do women want that anyway? I don't even like the look of baldness. It looks stank... but that's just me.
Oh P.S. That shit hurt. Excuse my language, but there's no sugar coating an experience like that. After all, it is a very tender area. Whoo! If I could have pre-sampled the pain I'm almost sure it would have been less painful to have my pinky toe shot. I got my legs waxed too even though I really don't have hair on my legs. This is getting legnthy, but I had a great time (if you call screaming out for your mommy a good time) and even though I can't afford to make weekly visits it would be nice to go every month and a half or so. The final bill with tip was about $250. It's worth it though. My skin is glistening, my body is relaxed, my pubs are trimmed, my toes and nails are looking ever so proper and I have a smile on my face (which could be a wonderfully disguised wince). Now I understand how celebs are always looking correct. If I had money to blow and a personal team around me I would be looking righteous like that all the time too. However, it is time consuming I think I'm too lazy to be pampered on a weekly basis... does that make any sense? You know what I mean.
Thursday, October 16, 2003
- Camp Jim on MTV... I've seen one episode. I will stand up and say that cheerleading IS athletic... and it's almost a sport. I went to a cheerleading camp many moons ago and we had someone just like Jim... 'cept his name was Frankie. Umm Yeah. Cheerleading is work and most cheerleaders are undercover gymnasts. You sweat, you stress out, you cry, you lose your voice, your muscles ache.... *am I hearing laughter?!?* Forget y'all.
- Uh... why is there a coffin on the stage in the Outkast (Dre's) video?
- Am I the only one that is going to acknowledge Pinks boob job?
- Will I be the only one at the New York Marathon for the sole purpose of heckling P. Diddy (willy winkle)?
- Am I the only one who wakes up with a swollen face or does this happen to everyone? Does anyone want to shed some light as to why?
- God Put a Smile on Your Face is a pretty good song.
- Let's face it 50 cent is ugly and I'm not one to make a habit of name calling.
- Has Robin Williams ever truly been funny? If he has I don't remember when. Let's give it a rest now Robin.
- After taking a good look at Bow Wow I see a method to Arruh Kelly's madness. Just being honest. Fine, I take it back.
- Something tells me things aren't going to work with Joan and the Agent.
- I just love William's (the lawyer guy) sense of humor!
- I often buy things and leave the tag on them (for months).
- I once ran a light thinking I would be able to make a left turn before the oncoming traffic could make it across... I was wrong. I began to scream forseeing the head on collision that was about to happen. I was so scared I took my hands off the wheel and covered my head. The wheel turned itself and I was in shock. After I made it across the highway I pulled over and I thanked GOD... because HE is the ONLY way anything like that could have happened.
- The Honerable Shelia Jackson Lee is the bomb.
- Can Nick Cannon get any cornier or is that not humanly possible?
- It drives me CRAZY when any kind of particle gets under my nails (or anyone elses... I look) and I wash my hands frequently... I may be borderline obssesive.
- I don't like shaking hands with or cheek kissing strangers.
- Is Brandy serious? Please girl... go home and nurse that baby.
- Last time I checked 50 Cent was still mufugly. What?!
- So besides My Wife and Kids... what is there to watch on Wednesday nights? Read a book you say? Humph. That's my MORNING thing - hello!
- There is only ONE way to eat a Reese's peanut butter cup.
- So is it true that liquid foundation is played out? I heard everyone is just doing the powder thing... do I have to wear make-up? 'Cause I don't want to. Can't I just do mascara, gloss and call it a day?
- LET'S GET FREE PEOPLE!
- I spent exactly $23. 92 cents today. How about you?
- It's hard for me to Buy Black. How about you?
- Was that a loaded question?
- Sleep is not the problem. It is the solution.
- My sentences are getting shorter huh?
- You love me? Cause I love you baby... eat a peach with me.
- Let me stop.
-No really let me start... purrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
- My money's on the Yankees.
- If your man woke up with a bird chest like Snoop's would you still mess with him?
- Give me five good ones. Up top. Down low. On the Back hand side.
- Academia is not a job; it's a vocation.
- Who loves me? You love me? I love you too boo.
Tuesday, October 14, 2003
I dyed my eyebrows today. First timer. I did it with a Q-tip and my surgeon hands. I'm a winner. I only let it sit for 1.5 minutes because I got scared it would come out too dark. I can't tell the difference really. I was going for Lauryn Hill-esque eyebrows. I think they look darker, but you know how the brain plays with you. Freud says people project what they wish to be true and what they are told even if it's not physically there. Okay.
I was finally called back to volunteer for a literacy program. Can you believe there is a waiting list to help people?! what type of dumb mess is that? People need to learn how to read like yesterday... not three months from now. Why do I have to wait to help someone?! Are they trying to imply that there is not a need? I know there is a need because there are grown adults in my chruch who can not read and I KNOW they can not read. It's sad. So I'm going to be helping in this program on the weekends since 7-10 at night will not cut it. Maybe when I've learned how to engage people and help them I can start a little side project. I know that teaching adults how to read is not nearly as easy as teaching children. I hope I don't blow it cause let's face it: I'm really not fond of all the fundementals of reading. I think spelling is trivial and I am not a friend of grammatical structure or punctuation. Will sea how it gooes. Do you see anything wrong with that sentence? Me either.
I've got to figure out how to put um... pictures and stuff on this thang. Y'all must be curious by now. No? Yes? Eh....
Sunday, October 12, 2003
Since the Howard homecoming was a no go ( we were going out there Friday and staying until Sunday afternoon). My friend suggested that we go to this black professional dating thing instead. ___________ *insert laughter here*. I hate bogus dating events. It's just lame to me. I'm not thirsty for a man like that. I don't mean to be super cynical, but for me it's like when I see a bunch of rotten apples on the trees... it doesn't make me want to go apple picking. I rather just wait for next season and see if the crop is a little better later. I have no interest in dating right now. There is no such thing as dating anymore anyway (I'll reference to that in a later post). Let my pessimism marinate. I'm just not interested in the sifting process. I know it must be the same for a lot of men too. Don't start taking me into some maze of circular logic and tell me that there is never going to be a good time to date blah blah blah. I'm not trying to hear it. All I know is I am satisfied right now with hanging out with me.
Oh so back to the dating network thing. We pay $20 dollars (yes, even finding love has a price *giggling*) to get into an exclusive party. There is an even number of men and women. You can choose the type of party you want to attend. It can be BLACK PROFESSIONALS 30-50 YEARS OF AGE, SINGLE BLACK AND LATINO PARENTS 30-45 YEARS, and the list goes on (the parties vary according to age race, sexual preference, and personal interests). After excessive (and when I type excessive I mean EXCESSIVE) pleading from her I say, "Fine". Only to be supportive of her. She signs us up for a networking session called Black Profesionals 25-35. Fine, although they make it abundantly clear that you can come to any party no matter what your age (as long as you're over 21) because they don't check Id. and they understand that people may prefer certain age brackets, but they think it's appropriate to set a general age baracket for people that DO care. We went on friday evening. Now let me tell y'all how this works. They get an even number of men and women and beforehand you give them your info i.e. telephone number, email, work number whatever (it's all optional how detailed you would like to be). They seat you at a table of four people and give you drinks and appetizers. They give you a question list to break the ice, some people are not that socialable and tend to stumble when meeting and introducing themselves (it's hard talking to strangers and I understand that) so if you want to ask questions off the list then you do that it 's optional. They have different hypothetical questions or semi-personal questions such as: who is the most motivating person in your life, if you could have any job in the world what would it be, where is the most exciting place you've traveled ect. Well, there are 30 women and 30 men so we get five minutes with each person and then are told to alternate. The men move around and the women stay put. We also get little cards with the names of people and we make little notations next to them we have the option to check if we would like to keep in contact for friendship\dating\ or business-networking\or not-a- damn-thing... lol. After the whole 5 minute mingle there is a little after party mingler with music and blahbidy blah. Then at the end of the night we give our card to the Host.
The next day the host emails or calls us with a list of people who are interested in getting to know us and on what level they would like to keep in contact. We can choose the option we would like either by email, a phone call at home, or a phone call at work... or to decline. It seems all neat and clean, but whatever. I'm not going to lie, I had an alright time. it wasn't as painful as I thought it would be *half grimace\half smirk*.
I got an email this afternoon. 8 of those cats want to date me and 4 would like friendship and 3 want to network for school. I will only respond to the networking people. Yes, I know I'm a stinker. There were more guys in there mid thiries there. That is too much of an age gap for me right now. Three of the guys that said that they wanted to date were actually cool... but still I am keeping my foot down. Nope. Not gonna be able to do it. I just need some me time. My friend was elated and will be contacting every dude on her list. ROTFL!! Do your thang girl! *rolling eyes*
Anyway it is actually a good idea for men and women that are having a tough time meeting people. Would you like to go to one? Don't ask me to come, ask my friend. I have more to type because I really didn't even get into the clowns (men and women) that were in there. LOL! Y'all would have been laid out. One thing that I was paying the most attention to is how some of the men were scarfing down the buffalo wings. My word. Dag, I didn't even tell y'all what I wore. That was the best part of the story as far as I'm concerned. Eh... another time.
[Edit: Did anyone see MTV Cribs with Shaq? I love how he was telling his sons to march... I started to march with them. That was super cute. Oh and did you see how plump his baby daughter is... nah I take that back she is not plump she is diesel. She's solid. She is going to be HUGE when she grows up. She's a little husky thing. I think she could thrash Lalah Ali right now if they were put in a ring together. Alright Bub bye.]
Thursday, October 09, 2003
I drove into the city with my friend and we headed straight to the east side. The class is not too far from Union Square, it's right by ABC Home and Carpet. So, when we got there we were about 30 minutes late. Mind you the class is 1 1/2 hours and cost 13 bucks. So, there's this snot nosed kid working the front desk and my friend tells her that we are trying to get into the class. The girl tells us that we are late (duh) and the class is closed. Then she says there's another one in an hour. I'm fine with that. So, we are standing by the window that gives a view of the class and we are peeping all the dancing. The girl calls out to us and says, "Well if you want to take it I'll let you in." So I say, "Fine. Will you let us in for $10 dollars since we miss 30 minutes?" Snot nosed girl says, "No." Me, "It seems like it's only fair *smiling*. SNG, "The class is $13 if you don't want to pay don't go." Me *sideways look beginning to open my mouth* My friend, "Well, we would just wait for the next class, but we were meeting my cousin and I see her in there so we would like to take it with her. I think $10 is fair." SNG, "Well, you should have been on time! (yes she did) The class started 30 minutes ago." My friend, "Excuse me, but I'm coming from New Jersey and I am already aware of the time. Where is the manager?" (yes she did).
The manager was there all along peeping the situation. He said that they have to pay the drummers and blah blah (without copping an attitude). Then gave us each a free pass for a friend. We ended up forking over the 13 bones, but not without some extra tude from snot nose. She is moving all slow and so I said, "Time is waisting *in a sing song voice*". So then she's all "pssshh pssshh" under her breath. I do not care. Do not play with me fresh mouth. Give me my change and go about your little business. Where's you mother? That's all I have to say about that.
We went into the Guinean class first and it was not for beginners let me tell you. That class had my chest burning.The moves were so complicated- I am talking about leaps and jumps and twists (all at the same time). I was happy that we had about ten drummers drumming for us at once. The rhythm filled the room. Afterwards I was whooped, but my friend's cousin said that the next class would be more mellow. So I wanted to check it out. A man taught that class and he was really good. The thing that shocked me most was, when the Guinea class was over all the drummers left. I started to get bummed because I was feeling the Congo drums (if that's what they're called... I'm not sure). When I started to pout her cousin explained to me that the Guinean drummers play music of Guinea and that's what they specialize in. She explained that there would be a completely different set of drummers for the Hatian class that specializes in that rhythm. Sure enough a whole new group of drummers walked in. That was love. I never knew that. I thought that it was all the same kind of beat. Anyway, the Hatian dancing was kind of a mixture of basic African and Latin moves. It was hot. Those dance classes really work all of my muscles more than any other kind of exercise I've done before with the exception of yoga. Yoga is not a friend of mine.
It took about a day and a half for all of the ache to settle in from my two classes. My back, neck, legs, and arms ached. At $13 dollars a class though I may need to go uptown and find a class that is a bit more inexpensive because I'd like to take the classes two to three times a week.
Wednesday, October 08, 2003
With all this said, I can admit that my laughter is often uncalled for. For instance... I have laughed at physical misfortunes that have happened to my family members. When I was in elementary school my mother was carrying some boxes downstairs in our house. My mom is very short and the boxes were kinda towering over her head so she really couldn't see where she was going ( I know you see what's coming). So as she proceeds down the stairs she is tip toe-ing around trying to get her footing... I'm sure we all know what it's like to miss a step... well honey girl had a long trip "downtown". I was behind her and watch as she tumbled. That ish was HILARIOUS. "Air Mail"!!!! Oh man. I'm sure I was already consumed with laughter before she even hit the ground. Yes, I was extremely inappropriate, but this is what I do. Welcome to my world. Needless to say my father was infuriated by my insensitivity and ordered me to my room. In my own defense I did apologize to my mom and helped nurse her knee... but luckily there were no broken bones. I love that woman, but it was funny. My laughter is uncontrollable. It must be a curse.
[Edit 9:35 AM Thank you to all the birthday well wishers! That was very sweet of all of you! Especially since I didn't even put my birthday out on front street like that. Y'all must actually read my blog because I hid it in there! lol!! Thank you everyone again!]
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
Speaking of runaways... my brother ran away from home once (he was about 11\12). He made it down the block and just as my dad was about to get him, he was right back at the front door. What a puttz. I never ran away. I would just lock myself in the bathroom because my bedroom door didn't have a lock. Lol. I think that was for good reason. When you lock yourself in the bathroom everyone knows you'll eventually come out 'cause let's face it... bathrooms are boring. Bedrooms can be survived in for a good two or three days. You have music, you have books, maybe a t.v. or a phone (if your spoiled), and most importantly you have a bed. The only advantages to the bathroom are the toilet and the water.
Have any of you ever ran away or locked your parents out of your room? Please share your story... I'd like to read it. Oh by the way it's my birthday! The exclamation point was very unnesessary because I don't even like birthdays. It's always nice to get acknowledgement, but I am not a celebratory type of person. I'm such a sour puss right? Right.
Saturday, October 04, 2003
White man: The problem that I have with affirmative action is that it's forcing people to do something. Now I don't know about you gentleman, but I don't like to feel forced into doing things.
Dave Chapelle: Oh, you mean like slavery forced?
Ahhhhhhh!!!! I really think Dave is quick witted. I really like his comedy. In other news... meant to comment on David Blaine's crazy behind a long time ago. I wonder if he is still in that box starving himself. He was suppose to stay in a clear box that dangles three stories in the air for 44 days straight with no heat, no food, no nothing, just water. Why? Food is tasty and delicious. Heat is nice and often makes one purrrr. He's not allowing himself to have any kind of human contact. He's trippin'.
I keep getting this survey every year from some educational think tank. They want to know what it is that I've been doing since I graduated from college. They pay me everytime I answer the survey. It's a couple of pages long, sometimes they send me a letter with a phone number and I do a phone interview. They get real deep with the questions too, they want to know if I'm single, if I have begun a college fund for any of my imaginary kids... seriously they ask that stuff. They also wanted to know if I planned on moving anytime soon and where would I move. I am trying to move to the D.C\Maryland area by next year. That's really where I want to go to finish my studies.
Let me just make a public service announcement to all of the young women out there. NEVER readjust your educational or professional goals or personal plans for the sake of a relationship. If you are not married then do you. I made the mistake of promising my (old) boyfriend that I would never go away to school again and because of that I sacrificed my true hearts desire. It was not a wise move on my part. I take complete responsibility for it. I ended up in a MA program that does not have a supportive faculty for their (black) students and I feel like I wasted my time and money pursuing a program that was not suited for my personal needs. The one thing the program DID give me is tougher skin... so for that I am thankful.
I usaully never cook on saturdays, but tonight I am trying to hook up some ravioli. It's going to be meatless. I bought frozen ravioli and I'll boil it for about 10 minutes, then I am going to make some sauce and add chopped onion, peppers and garlic. I'll add that together in a glass pan and top it with alot of grated mozzarella and parmesan cheese. It will bake for about 20-25 minutes and voila it's done.
I want to see that movie about that heavy set Mexican girl who's mother is constantly telling her to lose weight. It's suppose to come on HBO sometime this month. It's an independent film. Me and my independent films. Oh and I just solidified my plans for Howards homecoming next week. It's going to be a long weekend. Jyeah.
[EDIT 10:05] That HBO movie, Real Women Have Curves, came on tonight (Yea!!) and I am shocked. The girl was not even big. I think every woman should be making an (healthy) asserted effort to keep that booty phat. What's wrong with having some meat on those bones. Same thing with the men. Don't we love it when it jingles? Well, don't we? She was a nice healthy size. Her mom was tripping. Curves are good. What's wrong with mass media? Don't let them poison your minds. That character had some gusto though. She said, 'Mom there's more to me than just my baughdyyyyy" (okay she said body, but I like how baughdyyyyy looks- don't judge me). That was a good movie, however I think it was bad business for her to let shorty doowop tap that and not even leave an opening for future contact... that part should have been written out of the script. Nevertheless, good flick it gets two pinky toes from me.
I have to step out of myself. I want to embrace my hip hop culture and my (ignorant -which is not all inclusive by any means) friends, I want to embrace my Boomquisha attitude and my 'get 'em girl' sass. I want to be able to watch BET and MTV, chill at the Ruckers and go to Jimbos, chill up in Float, hang out on 125th, go to the Black Expo, buy my booty huggers, and name brand bullish, and non-name brand bull ish trying to make it look like name-brand bullish without feeling like I am some immature hood chick (even though I don't live in the hood).
I want to be able to embrace that side of me without feeling like I'm as ignorant a some of these chicks walking the block. I want to do all this without feeling guilty that it is time for me to grow up and face the more mature me. So how do I do that? This much I have figured out. This is me this is who I am. I am a black woman who likes to listen to my hip hop, who thoroughly enjoys the foolish black sitcoms like MB2 (that is a sitcom right?) and Girlfriends. I like to see new videos. I like to chill and hang out. I don't think that I should have to compromise my "youthfulness" and other elements that I have connected to in my culture just to make some statement of maturity. I am mature mentally because I see all the stigmatisms in my community. I am conscious and I have some inner turmoil because of it. I have inner turmoil because I don't think there is anything "hott" about 50 cent's Chanel bullet proof vest and I know that he is really sending a message to young blacks males that screams "Your life is in danger and if you're going to die to the hands of drugs and violence look fly while protecting yourself!!". I want to co-sign with my non-degree having friends when they try to devalue someone's educational accomplishments by saying, "Alot of dumb people have degrees.", but I really can't co-sign on that because at least that individual was smart enough to set a goal and complete it. At least they attempted some form of knowledge on a daily basis with a level of consistency.
Can I pursue higher academia and a professional life and sitll love my hip hop culture? It surely is a state of mind for me. Can I be an educated and conscious 'get 'em girl'? Will I have to live double lifestyles and fake interest in crap I really have no interest in just to fit in with the thirty something crowd in the future? Can I watch CSPAN and 'Pimps Up Hoes Down' back to back? Is it dubious of me to set down "Invisible Man" (once again) just so I can finish "Brown Sugar 2"? I really don't think that it is. I want to be able to affirm all parts of my personality and interests without feeling like I am less committed to one. Why should I be made to feel infintile and uncultivated for still connecting with many of the things I connected with when I was 16? I feel like my span of knowledge is so vast. Why should I sacrifice what's at the very center of me?
Friday, October 03, 2003
I'm going to be random today just because I really don't have anything all that substansial to say (hecklers keep your comments to a minimum). I visited my grandmother this week and I was watching BET with her strictly for entertainment factor. R.Felony A.K.A Arruh Smelly's video was on....ya know that step one. My mom was visiting as well and this is how it all went down:
Me: Hey mom, do you think you can do the electric slide to this song?
Mom: I can do the electric slide to anything. *arrogant smirk* Who is this?
*sidenote* It's the only organized dance she really knows how to do so she's really prideful about it.
Dear Ma (Grandmother): Yeah, who is this?
Me: This is R.Felony.
Mom: Oh *giggles* that's him?
Grandma: *clueless look*
Me: Yeah, you like this song?
Mom: Yes, what is that they're doing on the floor?
Grandma: Yes, what are they doing? Looks like some sort of shuffle...
Me: Oh that's called the slide. I think they do it a lot in Chicago and Detroit. Would you like to learn that?
Mom: Yeah *eager look*. So, that's what they are doing?
Grandma: *blank look...with a slight hint of a frown*
Me: Apparently so...
Mom: What is that he has on his head? Under the hat... is that a scarf? * Appalled*
Me: Yeah, mom, it's called a doo- rag. It keeps the hair wavy like oceans. *giggling at my own lingo*
Mom: But, you're suppose to wear that at night. He's outside now.
Me: It's a style.
Mom: But, he's outside now! Well, that's just stupid.
Grandma: It's stupid, to wear with a suit. Maybe if he had some dungarees on and had to clean the car or do some errands. He could put a little cap over it to hide it a bit.
Me: Exactly Dear Ma. I think it looks ignorant too. That's what they do though. I'm over it now. It's time to move on. No more doo-rags with the outfits. Enough is enough.
Mom: *now ignoring us and shimmying around trying to do the slide*
They crack me up.
Wednesday, October 01, 2003
Well, as per several suggestions I am sending out the birthday card tomorrow. I wrote a little something special on the inside. Would you like to hear it? Here it go: Do your friends still tell you what to do? When the phone rings do you wish it were me calling you? Do you still feel the same... or has time put out the flame? I kinda miss you. Is everything OK? It's been been 6 months, 8 days, 12 hours since I went away. I miss your stupid face and I don't know what to say. I should be over you... I should know better, but it's just not the case. It's been 6 months, 8 days, 12 hours since yo stank azz went away.
Nah, I'm kidding of course. The above was a revised version of a Brian Mcknight song. Hee hee. I just bought a generic birthday card from Hallmark and wrote a generic happy birthday message. All because he was a generic kind of boyfriend. Nah, that's not fair, I'm just a tiny weeny bit salty right now for some reason. I'm wincing right now, but winces are very easy to turn into smiles... it's all in the eye work people... it's all in the eyes. G'head try it! I listened to alot of music today. I had down time plus my trusty discman. These three songs made me zone out today: Cassandra Wilson's version of the Cindy Lauper song "Time After Time" the version is ill man. Mozart's Clarinet Concerto: Second Movement... it always makes me feel a bit somber and sullen...but I still like it- go figure. Actually I think it's really beautiful and sad. I believe he wrote it to inspire tranquility and it does...just in a sad kind of way. Music and art and the such are very personal things anyway. People are touched differently by it. I was also listening to "You Got Me" by the Roots with E.Badu. I love that song and I especially dig the drum work and crazy rim tap at the end. ?uestlove has skills man. All those songs are really depressing now that I come to think of it. I mean the tone of them. Hmmm.
Moving on to a lighter note have any of you meat eaters tried Dominos Philly Cheesesteak Pizza? They make it look good on the commercials. It makes me want to get one...ya know...aside from the fact that I don't eat red meat. If anyone has tried it let me know how it is so I can live vicariously through your taste buds.