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Monday, September 29, 2003

I've been noticing some odd behavior from alot of women... it has to do with etiquette. Not many women (or men) for that matter know proper etiquette so I won't hold it against any of you if you are guilty of this. From this moment on take heed. If you've done this don't do it again...that is if you care anything about propriety. I went to Barnes and Noble yesterday and this couple was walking in front of me. The woman was walking a bit ahead of the man ( about 7 feet or so). There was a crossing and she made it to the other side of the street before the man did. So he stopped and waited for the traffic to pass while she continued to the door. When she got to the door she stood there outside facing the door and waited for the guy to come across the street and open it for her... she just stood there. Now I know about etiquette, I have taken classes as a young girl (don't ask) and I have read several books. I am beginning to see more and more dumb stuff like this everyday.

Here is the rule ladies and gentlemen. If a woman is walking with a man at even pace and she wishes for the man to open the door, she walks on the side that the door will open so he can let her pass through and then go in after. If she is not on the correct side she should pass in font of him several feet before they reach the door so he can do the manuever with ease. If he does not reach for the door first make a mental note and go about your business your hands aren't broke. Now, if you get to the door before he does it is poor manners for you to stand in front of it and wait for him to come and pull it like some door man. You are equally as rude as he is for not opening the door to begin with. You never tell or imply for someone to open your door, you simply monitor the behavior. I love chivalry in a man, however I will not die or throw a fit if a man doesn't pull out my chair. You never stand around and wait for a guy to open doors, pull chairs, or pay because if they were going to do it you wouldn't have to wait. If a guy is on top of his game he is there before you are. He leads. If he doesn't lead and go to measures of being courteous with a woman than make a mental note. If it's that important to you don't rock with them on that level again. Leave them alone if they act like they are raised by wolves.

I just think it is ridiculous to see a woman sit in a car waiting for a guy to come and open the door meanwhile his tail is already at the movie theater door. If he was going to open your car door he would have said, "Wait a moment, I'll come around and open your door for you." before he even pulled his key out of the ignition. If he was going to pull your chair out for you he would lightly touch your waist before you get to the table and say,"Let me pull your chair.". When a man asks you what you are getting on the menu they are not always asking because they want to know how much you are about to spend...some of them are asking because they are trying to be chivalrous and actually order for you. These are the things that real men do. So when you putter around and say you don't know or get an attitude when he asks thinking that he's being cheap you end up looking like the jerk (and that's probably why they let the door close on your face). If men are going to do these things they would do them on their own without any direction from us. Men will only resent us more if we give them cues. I'm not going to lie though, alot of men need cues because there are alot of clueless classless men running the streets.

Now for the men. I hate hate hate it when I open a door (because a guy didn't get there first) and they walk through it. That is some bull ish right there. That is the ultimate disrespect of a woman (okay I may be reaching, but still it is highly worthy of a punch in the throat). That is just rude. Then to add insult to injury they walk through and don't even say thank you. What part of the game is that? Everyone should always say thank you. If a woman opens the door for herself that's fine, but there should never be a time when a guy passes first unless he is incapacitated in some way. Once a boy passes the age of 10 he should automatically be holding doors for women... just for GP (general purposes). So I blame the parents for not raising there sons (and daughters too cause some of these chicks are trifling) correctly. Let's not even get into the functions that include food (mainly BBQs). I have seen men run up and clear the table bare while just leaving crumbs for the women. How tacky. Don't bother wasting any breath on the wolves ... let them be. You can not tame a wild animal. I do not have time to be a circus trainer. If I see any inkling that the guy I am dealing with is not refined and has no level of decency when dealing with a woman then see ya . Okay maybe I'll have more etiquette dos and don'ts in a later post. I think this was an excellent starter though. How about you?

Sunday, September 28, 2003

Yeah so umm, let me tell y'all about the Hampton Vs. Morgan State game. I had a good time. I had my (imaginary) money on Hampton from the gate. I base my calls on things that are totally unrelated to stats. I chose Hampton to win because their uniforms were cleaner and the school name sounds "stronger". Un yeah. Nothing againt MSU because the game seemed pretty close for the whole time and both teams took turns leading. I think Hampton only won by a couple of points, but I'm really not sure because I was too busy looking at all the CUTIES. WHOOOOOOO JUMP BACK! I just love to stare at black men. I mean..........give me a moment here. Okay, now what I'm trying to say is ... they are just so pleasant to look at. All those chocolatey sepia hues. You better ask somebody. There was a bunch of eye candy at this game. Since it was a college game and since I am 25 there were alot of young bucks in the house... but they can get it too. I don't have ANY problem, conflict, reservation, guilt, shame, second thought, apprehension, concern, uneasiness about staring at some fine college tail. OK! There were alot of older bros in the house, but I'm not all that good at the age guessing game. Ya know? So young and old tail were the same to me. All I know is that every tail I was peeping was legal... I hope. I don't have the desire to sit around and guess anymore because I'm always wrong. These kids are drinking something different nowadays.

So at first my people and I went and took our seats because we got there BP time instead of CP time. The bands were playing all through the game (which I loved) they were kicking it. They had an excellent half time show. MSU played more recent cuts than HU. MSU played 'Baby Boy' 'Up in the Club' and '24'. Hampton was on some 'Eye of the Tiger' tip that I just could not get with (actually I do like that song 'cause it inspires me to say 'Yo Adriean!', but I can't pop my boonky to it). Hampton's band was bigger though and their uniforms were crispier...yes crispier is a word...say it with me...crispier. Anyway it was all love love. No fights, no pow pow bang bangs, no "Nigga get your hand out my pocket!!", no Puerto Rican Day Parade esque gropings, no opening of trench coats trying to sell gold plated watches type f 'ery going on. None of that. Although, I did want to switch seats because one of these chicks next to me kept talking loud and taking up the whole arm rest.

Now, I hate arm rest conflict. I don't know if anyone out there feels the same about arm rests as I do but you are not allowed to fully occupy both arm rests ... not at a theater, on a plane, in a stadium, or any other kind of place that has arm rest seating. It's rude and discourteous. I don't care if you are my friend, lover, stranger, mother, or whomever. This chick tried to nudge me out of my arm rest position. I was about to take out my shank and cut her smoooooooth. Nice and clean. LOL. Nah, but she got nudged right the heck back ( yeah yeah yeah ... I know this is the problem with BLACK People ...Weeze gets excited about the silliest little things). It was the arrogance she had about it though...like she was entitled to the arm rest. I feel as though I concentrated too long on that small part of my day so.... Moving on....

My friends and I were having random discussions (read: arguments) while sitting in the stadium. Shall we recap? Okay. Does Tamia have a butt? I think she does...it's just muscular like Gina's from Martin (yes, I know her name is Tisha Campbell, but I rather say Gina from Martin because Martin used to clown on her boonky and big head all the time). Does R.Kelly look like he knows how to do the slide in the end of his video...should he've gotten a pro to do it instead? I don't think he looked good doing it at all ...in fact I don't think much of him period so I turn the station when his solo comes on. Hmph! People are still wearing coolgies huh? Apperently so. Hm hm hm. I brought this next topic up through inspiration from a journal I read discussing Jai from QE. Jai from 'Queer Eye' is very random and doesn't seem to have a real purpose on the show, however we all still adore him (the last part is only 50% true). Why is there only one cash lane and 10 Easy Pass lanes on the Turnpike? I say it's a conspiracy and the gubment is working it's hokus pokus on us. They are trying to track the citizens of the United States and keep a technological trail on all of us. Same thing with the metro card. Convenience my azz ... Armegedon here we come! We also tried to disuss why black people do not like to marry outside of their national culture. Jamaicans w\ Jamicans, Americans w\Americans, Panamanians w\Panamanians ect... I mean we tried to discuss it but, it became bit too heavy for our light hearted outing. I say there is some mixing and mingling, but when it gets right down to it sometimes cultural differences are just too overwhelming.

The highlight of my day was looking at all those beautiful men. I didn't really do the whole, "Excuse me what's your name type thing". I did flirt with three guys ( I took ### that I will not call...just because). I like to call it intramural flirting...it will never lead to anything other than what it is right at that moment. I help them build their ego and they help me build mine. Walk away and never look back. Game respects game. It was mostly for the fun of it. I wasn't looking sexy... sexy is too hard of a look to achieve nowadays...I just went for cute\attractive\hip hop smoothed out on an r&b tip with a pop feeeeeel appeeeeeeal to it. I had on some jeans (paper denim and cloth) that are loooow slung. No crack allowed..cause I'm a grown up. This zip up jersey top that's black and orange (it may sound a bit holloweenish, but nah ) with some kind of funny symbol on the front (but I didn't zip it all the way up cause I'm not Mr. Rogers and I am trying to show some kind of skin...I'm not a chesty gal so I wasn't oozing out like some of these broads..should I have even put all this in parenthesis...eh) some black and orange puma boxing sneakers and a wide belt with a silver buckle that says, "Praise the Lord". I have a shirt that reads "Jesus Loves Me" and sometimes I rock the belt and the shirt. How you like me now? I don't want to bore you guys with fashion stuff, but I saw alot of the trucker hat thing going on...it was cute for a millisecond, but it was really over before it even began. Please kids, do not waste your money on a forty dollar trucker hat by Von Dutch. I saw too much of it at the stadium. If you even know what I'm talking about take heed...if you don't have a clue as to what I'm babbling about you are all the better for it. Moving on....

I went to the Cheesecake Factory in Paramus after the game and it was yummy! I have more to say, but perhaps I'll discuss it in a later post. This feels a bit lengthy. *Two pounds to the chest*




Friday, September 26, 2003

I am up way too early. I can't sleep. I should really say I can't get back to sleep. How wonderful for me since I have to be out of here by 8 am. My associate (note wording) saw my journal and said to me, " I like your journal, but you write how you think. It's so hard for me to read because of the style. Is that how you write your papers?". This trick here. Granted she does have a valid point because I always have grammatical errors, my punctuation is atrocious, double negatives are found periodically, more often then not I have over extended paragraphs, and of course my infamous (and often incorrect) use and usage of the ellipsis. Not to mention I ain't no good speller neether.

Let me just say this in my own defense: WHO GIVES A CRAP? GET OFF MY NONEXISTANT NUTT SAC! Goodness. Who says something like that about someone's journal? This is not a school thesis or dissertation. This is not a monograph this is a JOURNAL. I am a highly exaggerated person. I get great pleasure knowing that I have a venue in which I do not have to concern myself with the (arguably) frivilous details of script. I have no interest in the opinions of annal people who want to find error in my text. For those who want to find fault and feel the need to correct others let me introduce you to the close icon at the upper right hand corner- close icon meet annoying Ms.Penis Head. Splendid, I'm glad you two have finally met. I know you'll be back so this is especially for YOU (Queen of all annoying people).

On a side note ... I take great pleasure (I say great pleasure in a mad scientist type style while rubbing my hands together vigorously) in knowing that I am qualified to teach secondary English, Social Studies and History in the city of New York and several counties in New Jersey ... I have documented proof from the Board of Edumacation (*Neener Neener Neeeeeeener*). So how do you feel knowing someone who writes, spells and thinks like me can very well be responsible for teaching our future? Not thrilled huh? Oh well. I will not take the time to reread this entry (why start doing things like that now) for fear that it may come across too harsh and then a divine power will instruct me to remove it. This is the ugliest I really get ... promise. Some people need a good little tongue thrashing so they never come out of pocket again. Fix your face.

Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Does it really matter if the ketchup is cold or warm? This seems to be a real issue for some people. I'll respect it though. Not because I care. Just principle. Moving on....................

I'm trying to figure out if I should send my ex-beau a birthday card. I have approximately two weeks to decide. His birthday is two days before mine. I have had zero communication with him in 6 months. All the women out there see the obvious implications of sending him a card. I need to share my feelings about this with someone so it might as well be people that I don't have to make eye contact with! I have been putting up a pretty excellent front with all of my friends and family members alike. They are convinced that I have a very masculine non-chalant attitude when matters of the heart are concerned. I like that they think that even though it's not true. When I ended my 4+ year relationship with my college honey (anyone who has had the unfortunate pleasure of dating someone in college and being a dorm-to-dorm call away knows that you multiply your dating time by 1.5.... so I might as well just say 6 years) I didn't shed a tear or even discuss the break up in depth with anyone.

For some strange reason everyone assumes that when you end a 4 year relationship one of the parties must have cheated, become some kind of addict, or become emotional or physically abusive. None of those things occured. My interest level just dropped. I refer to the interest level as the thing that keeps you enthralled and engaged. To keep the interest level high you have to be active within the relationship. Much like a sports player has to have good performance and show potential in order to get resigned. I really cared about him, but the relationship became a bit stagnant...I was trying to hang in there, but after a while I became......disenchanted.

I think my problem was that I needed someone with more get up and go. He was a bit too laid back for me. It is natural that I am attracted to a laid back man because many of the male figures in my family are very laid back and the women in my family are more....proactive. So that's what I connected with, but just because that was what I was accustomed to doesn't mean it was what I nessessarily wanted or needed. I think alot of women make the mistake of choosing men like there fathers, grandfathers uncles and brothers, not because it's the kind of man they WANT or NEED, but because it is what they are familiar with and they have learned through the women in their lives how to cope.

For example I love my dad with all my heart and he raised me, but he was laid back. Throughout my parents marriage I never saw him arrange any planned vacations, he never planned any teachers conferences, he never suggested redecorations of different parts of the home, he never suggested that my mom pick up a new hobby or that maybe they should learn one together....he never suggested much of anything. LOL....it's almost as if he was just there for the ride. I asked my mother (now that I'm an adult) how she felt about his behavior, she says that it would irk her, but she could either pout or take the intiative...she chose the latter. I am at a stage where I am becoming more conscious of the things that I need in a mate. Perfection is not what I want....even if it were attainable. I want someone that will steer me and take an active interest in me as much as I do them. I can't deal with the laid back brothers anymore. Behavior like that is annoying, but if I scroll through all of my exes.....they are all just like that. Non-innovative, non-inspiring, and a bit unimaginative. In my heart of hearts I never really wanted a man like that, but that's the kind of relationships I ended up in. I never consciously sought out guys like that, but when I discovered that that's the way they were I hung around and just dealt with it in the same manner I've seen so many women before me handle it.

I must admit that at this point in my life I wouldn't even know how to respond or what to do if I got into a relationship with someone more assertive and proactive than me. I would probably feel a bit intimidated, but it's what I want. I want someone that can show me something new, make suggestions, give encouragement......hell maybe even some direction. I want a guy that will invite me to interesting workshops, suggest a new restaurant, give me books to read, ask me about world affairs and what I think of certain mutual funds, take me deep sea diving, suggest a doctorate program that may be of interest to me.

I really want someone that will not only take interest in my needs, but act on them. I don't want Mr.Laid Back anymore, I want Mr.Can I make A Suggestion? I realize that I have to be prepared to be the very things I ask for. I can own that and deal. Back to the matter at hand .... I want to send him a card to just to say happy birthday and- hey, I'm glad that you were born and that our paths connected and I still appreciate your life ........but at the same time I do not want to give him the satisfaction of making first communication. That is my alter more immature self. That is the human id. My ego. I have residual feelings lingering and I am not past the disappointment........because believe me, when one invests 4 years of life making a new best friend (and that is truly what I did..hold the tears)..there are certain expectations involved....and I am truly disappointed. Should that stop me from wishing him a happy birthday? Will he confuse this for lingering romantic interest? Will I regret giving him the knowledge that he is still thought of through the cold hard evidence of a birthday card? Feed back is appreciated on this one. Oy vay...I never thought I would be a "relationships that go wrong" journalist.

Sunday, September 21, 2003

I mentioned before that I was attempting to go to the Urban World film festival.........it never happened because of the whole weather situation. I didn't secure tickets out of fear that they would be wasted. So I missed that opportunity. There is this new black independant film showing at the AMC Empire theater on 42nd St. called 30 Years to Life. You can look at the trailer for it on www.thirtyyearstolife.com . The movie looks pretty entertaining. It's about single black America and how they start to evaluate their life once they hit thirty. It's a black romantic comedy poking fun at how marriage hungry women begin to hunt and how marriage phobic men begin to run. Tracy Morgan from Saturday Night Live is in the flick and he's a funny dude. I think I'm gonna check it out......with a gigantic group of girlfriends of course.

I went to an African dance class with my friend this morning. I had a really good time. They had live music (conga drums) and we danced barefoot. It's a pretty good workout. I went with one of my close friends, her other friend and her cousin. Now the other friend that went is a heavyset white girl who is working as a professional nanny. She is really cool...about 25 and she's originally from Idaho.She kinda of looks like the white girl from the Steve Harvey show. She has a really great bubbly personality and I have met her a couple of other times. I even went to her wedding (oh yeah I forgot to mention that she's married to this Kenyan guy). She is not one of those white people that are raised in black american culture.....she is a straight white American suburban girl. Anyway she was open to taking the African dance class and my friend made this long speech about there being so many different alternatives to weight loss and she should not starve herself for her husband and blah blah blah. Sometimes my friend runs her mouth alot. We get to the dance studio and surprisingly there is a room full of old white women. We thought we were in the wrong class. Then we turned and saw the conga drums and realized that all the ladies were in their barefeet. They looked so cute all bundled in their African wraps that they brought from home. I was instructed to bring a wrap with me.....it was cool because I have plenty of them. So we do a little stretch and stuff and then go to put our wraps on. I had some black lycra leggings and a black lycra tank top on already so I pulled out my wrap (one of many that I have purchased from the 116th street African Mart). It's a slight tie-dye of green, navy, royalblue, and yellow with little african symbols all over it. I like it. So I wrap it around my waste and turn around to see what everyone else looks like. My friend had this bright fushia wrap on...cool, the cousin had a nice orange and black wrap...cool, the other girl had some old fleece blanket wrapped around her waist.......not cool. I'm like what the hell?!?! So, I go up to my friend and I said, "Yo, you didn't tell her what a wrap was? Besides the fact that it looks absolutely ridiculous, she's going to get too hot in that." So my friend begins to say something about how she didn't know, but the girl starts to walk over when she's in mid-sentence. Luckily I brought an extra wrap with me...it was a little smaller than the one I was wearing so I told her that I thought she would be too hot in the one she had on and to take mine because I had an extra. So she said thank you and was giving my friend a look for not explaining what a wrap was. Sometimes you just have to break things down. So I put on my extra wrap and the teachers come in, one was a man and one was a woman, and boy are they good at what they do.

I always used to goof off and do African dances (well at least what I thought were African dances), but I learned the real techniques and a bunch of different moves. You know how I feel about dancing so the old ladies were getting a kick out of watching me and my girl put some extra back into it. It was a mini Coming to America up in there. Good stuff. So we shower and change and then go downtown to see if we would be able to get tickets to see Aida......they only had single seating and standing room. I would have been down for either, but I am a bit more flexible on stuff like that. Plus none of them looked like they wanted to stand for 2 1\2 hours or sit apart from one another. I have wanted to see Aida for a while, but now that Toni Braxton is starring, I don't know if I am as interested....I'm a little skeptical I guess. Here's how I look at it: I much rather see Heather Headley on stage than listen to an R&B album by her and I much rather hear Toni Braxton on an R&B album then see her on stage. I just feel like their original genres suit them best. I may be wrong I dunno. After the disappointment (at least theirs) we walked around downtown for a bit and thought about going to the new Jimmy's on the east side. We just had a nice lunch a B.Smith's instead. I really like B.Smith's we got there a little too early for the live music, but it was still nice.

We then pondered if we should go uptown and check out the African American Day parade (my friend seemed apprehensive about overwhelming her friend with too much blackness....but eff that). We all collectively decided not too go after I went over my story from last years parade.....would you like me to share? OK. Last year I went to the parade with my beau and it was cool at first. Food vendors, book stands, clothing stands all through 125th-150th. The NAACP passed by, the Coalition of 100 Black Men, the Coalition of 100 Black Women, a bunch of church groups, congressman, different step groups, majorette squads, Green party, and various black social groups, fraternities, sororities, and the such. Then a float with Doug E. Fresh goes by he's rapping and shouting the crowd out....cool. Then Hot 97 float comes by with Jada Kiss....................okay. He is cursing and has alot of profanity going on.......this is a family event and little kids and grandparents are out there.....but it was cool because the crowd was embracing him....okay. Then some ignant D.J. starts screaming for everybody to meet there float at the end of the parade....oh lawd. The float starts to move again and this mobb of kids starts running by after it. I was standing on the side with other people who had lawn chairs and stuff and when the crowd of funky azzed kids runs by..... I can not even describe what happened to the air. The funk that passed when all those kids ran by (hundreds of kids..and grown people too) was so disgusting. The people that gathered on the sides started to flee to get away from the funk. Pure pandamonium. I nearly droped my mango icee trying to dodge the funk and the crowd. It was crazy. It was a mixture of azz cheeks, dirty diapers, hott breath, fried chicken, hair sheen, acrylic nails, day old funk, timberland leather, and old sex. Dag that was funky. It was enough to make me think twice about going this year. I didn't go...so I guess I'm still traumatized. Either that or I'm just very dramatic...you be the judge. Make sure you check out the website and look at the trailer for the movie. k? k.

Thursday, September 18, 2003

Oh Jyeah! I'm getting tickets to go to the Hampton Vs. Morgan State game at Giants Stadium on September 27. I am looking forward to it. This will be a good time had by all. I like to go to black events where everyone is positive. I have been to a couple of black college football games and I have always had a good time. I'm trying to go at least 5 deep....I hope.

Everytime I see that commercial with the suit chasing the man I laugh. The suit is chasing him so he can get dressed for work and the guy hides under the covers, runs down the hallway, then runs into the kitchen and knocks the suit the hell out with the fridge door. LOL!! I always think of myself. Then I think of that Jill Scott song 'Gotta get up'.....no I don't Jill. I am really not trying to be a part of the machine. I want something different for myself. I am four generations out of slavery. I am the third generation to complete higher education. So why don't we have a family business or something going? My family has a great work ethinc....when it comes to working for someone else. We need a family business, because I hate working for someone else. I need to do my own thing. I do not want to do the daily grind thing unless I am doing it to benefit my family. I am not trying to slave for the rest of my life. When you have perfected your skills at a certain job and there is nothing left for you to learn, when you are being told that you are one of the best employees then it is time for you to go. It only takes a year or two to do that. This whole work for a company thing is really for the birds. I am not a bird, I need more than crumbs. What I need to do is rethink my 5 year plan....good thing I wrote it in pencil.

Wednesday, September 17, 2003

THIS YEARS HIP HOP \ R&B SUPERLATIVES
*List subject to change*

The most greased up for a performance: Beyonce and Ashanti are tied

Most weave changes: Mary J. Blige still holds this title, but Christina and Beyonce are right around the corner

Most whorishly dressed: Christina A., but we have not forgotten about you Mariah Carey and Lil' Kim...we haven't forgotten

Most likely to get a breast implant\then a removal\than another implant:
Mary J. Blige

Most exagerrated facial expressions: Busta Rhymes

Best body with worst face: 50 Cent

Most boring interviewer: La La

Most boring interviewee: Fa-bo-lo-us

Most likely to have their mother overly involved in their personal relationships:
Ashanti

Most likely to always have a video of some kind of psuedo party, whether it's at the beach, in a club, or at a house: R. Kelly

Most likely to remain at Bad Boy even though he has no forth coming album: Carl Thomas

Biggest cornball to slip through the cracks: Pharrell......am I hearing boos?!?

Most annoying person to be in a video even though he is not an artist nor a producer: Damon Dash

Worst looking blonde: Eve and Elephant Man tie

Most continually herbed person over the course of one year: Ja Rule

Ugliest teeth: Lil' Jon, Jermaine Dupri, Lil' Wayne, O.D.B. all come in at a tie

Best Press and Curl: Dre from Outkast, Snoop, and Bow Wow come in at a tie

Most annoying person with Lil' in front of their name: Lil' Jon

Dumbest looking shape up: Pharrell............what?!? Look at it.

Cutest rapper over 250 lbs.: Bone Crusher

Person most likely to have story lines and skits in their video: Busta Rhymes and Ashanti....I'll refrain from saying that they are usually boring....even though they are.

Person most likely to prove more and more that she can sing better than she can dance: Beyonce.........stop ice grillin' me!

Person(s) most likely to continue acting even though they clearly lack talent: Eve, Master P, and P. Diddy

Entertainer(s) with worst clothing line: Far too many

Worst overplayed song of the summer: "Shake a Tail Feather" on Bad Boy II soundtrack

Worst dressed clique: Dip set crew

Most talented black man under 28: Justin Timberlake

Most threatened by this: Usher

Person most in need of something more productive to do: Me






Sunday, September 14, 2003

I just had a heated argument with a guy friend. It wasn't an argument about the Pan African movement, pro-choice, morally conscious mutual funds, the black republican movement, real estate investment, or any other intellectually thought provoking topic. It was an argument about Fonsworth Bentley's sexual preference. Not that it even matters, but Mr. bentley is straight- stank you very much. Any time a black man sees another black man that is fashionable, organized, tidy, and doesn't wear timbs and AF1s he immediately files the other black man under gay. I just adore Fonsworth Bentley. I think he has style and class. I am not too thrilled about the fact that he allowed himself to be called a frickin' man servant, but we have all done some things that we're not so proud of. I just like how Mr.Bentley dresses and he's so comical. I am captivated by Mr.Bentley's ability to combine color and texture. 'Ol boy will throw on a pair of chocolate brown slacks, with a colbolt blue shirt and brown pinstriped tie, throw on a tweed driving cap, and seal the deal with some hot pink socks and some Italian espresso leather shoes. HOT DAMN! Things like that make me happy (welcome to my life). That is not GAY that is STYLE. Differentiate people. Besides my sister girlfriend heard him on Hot 97 (yuck) talking about how he is looking for a beautiful woman to share his life with. He said he wants a woman who is smart and funny, carries herself well, and who loves the Lord and will go to church with him every week. Well Amen. I don't think it's hype either. Anyway Mr.Bentley is alright with me.

I find the conversation I had with said male friend ironic because he also likes to dress. He's from Philly. He is an educated, single 25 year old man with a black mink. He also wear 'Jesus is my homeboy' shirts and hats. He stays wearing puma sweat suits and he told me he is about to buy some brown and orange boxing sneakers. He doesn't wear chains, but he loves watches and all of them are bezzled out. Does this make him gay? Hell nah.......I should know. He is messy, very simplistic and he thinks and acts very much like a straight man. He just has a hell of a fashion sense. Besides the truth is: not all straight men have an innate fashion sense. I invested many hours in undergrad watching Ricki lake in my dorm room so I should know. The whole point of this post was to give Mr.Bentley props for being a well dressed straight man. We need more like you Sir Bentley!

Saturday, September 13, 2003

And you know this mannnnn! *said in Chris Tucker voice*

I copped some hottness yesterday to make up for all the items that I didn't get before. Oh Jyeah....and you know this man! I got a tight bright yellow shirt with the words DANCE written across the front in big block silver letters and I also got a low ride denim mini mini skirt that has two buttons and a zip on the side. I plan on wearing it by itself next summer...but until then I will be rocking it over some wide leg dress pants or thin wide leg sweat pants. Why?? Because I gets down like that. This is what I do- and when I do it- I do it like I'm doin' it for T.V... And you know this man! One of my items on the old list popped up! Yes folks I was able to cop the distressed leather duster hat and I do plan on pimpin' that thang like a fake azz Alisha Keys! I only say Alisha Keys because she wears alot of duster hats. I also got a cute little necklace from Macy's...it has a circle medallion that is wood on one side and gold on the other. The wood side (which is the front) has coral stones in the middle....and that's A OK with me! Now if you all didn't know I'm about to tell yah.....silver is big this fall. I saw some silver boots. Woo chile! Kind of like the kind M.J.B wears. They were too cute. Zara's has a pair for about $128....and they don't even have a high heel. We don't play those games. We are not about to pay over a hundred bucks for some pleather boots with no heel. Eh no. What we will do is go down to West 4th or SoHo and look at some real quality Italian boots and see whats really excellent. Oh yes. I also saw this short waisted little silver jacket and this adorable knitted off the shoulder mini dress that is perfect for a black woman's frame. Sickness. The silver jacket is a bit daring (and a bit exspensive), but I think we can pull it off. Yes Yes Yes....I know silver jacket and boots sounds like an old episode of Solid Gold, but you have to believe me when I say I'm know what I'm doing.

I saw this poem and thought that this is something I would like to give to a special someone one day:

I began to see
the we in me
when I stopped fearing
the you in you

Your words were no longer
misunderstood
because I didn't understand them
I learned to learn
your meaning

Your morphed into
A we in me
My me joined your you
to make the we
my me never knew with you

Disagreements meant
no more than
not agreeing
Agreement is not affirmation
nor must affirmation be an agreement
a-me-meant?
We know word play all too well,
to read metaphors literally

The unknown is sometimes knowable
But even when it's not
it's not bad for the not knowing
the we in me knows
not knowing is knowledge too
more obtuse, but also
more profound,
it is faith.


Erica Turnipseed is hot.

Thursday, September 11, 2003

I am a happy person. I promise you. I like to laugh and smile. I try to ignore the daily dumbness. Lately I just feel like I have to choose which struggles I feel like dealing with: being black or being a woman....or maybe even being a black woman. This week it is being black. In one of my classes we were told to read Joseph Conrad's Heart of Darkness. I personally think that it is a literary piece of crap. This Joseph Conrad dude's enthrallment and overplay of the word 'nigger' can tie with director Quentin Tarantino anyday. They are both probably tied in Guiness Book of World Records for the most use of the word 'nigger' in a novel or script. In any event, even though I don't like the book I am prepared to impartially discuss this (piece of trash) book with an open mind......lol. Mind you I am the only Black person in this class. So in an attempt to take the bull by the horns my professor begins to read an exerpt from the book (mind you he found an exerpt with an immeasurable amount of the word nigger). Then when he is finished blaspheming my race he looks dead at me. This dude has balls. My face dispalyed no emotion. I could have been bird watching for the amount of sensibility I displayed. He asks what WE thought still looking directly at ME. The whole class is basically looking at me. Even this big headed obese cat shifts his whole body weight to see my reaction. I'm like WTH??!! * I'm thinking turn your fat azz around!! Do I look like a matinee??* Damn.

So some of the students start talking about how descriptive the author is and what they feel about the tone of the book...blah blah blah. They do not touch on any of the racist overtones in the book what-so-ever (mind you there are only 5 out of 15 or so people that ever even say anything in class-I am one of the five- thx). So finally I say, " The Congo River allows the Europeans access to the center of the continent without having to physically cross it...in other words the white man always remains seperate and on the outside...and the river itself always seems to want to expel them all together with it's force. When they travel up river it is a struggle and very difficult, but when they travel down river it is with ease. It seems as though Africa does not want them at all." So then this white chick says, "Well I don't think one has anything to do with the other. All rivers travel downward....and them getting to the center of the continent without having to cross it physically is more of a geographic thing. Who would rather cross by foot then by water?" Then my black azz says, " Well, this is a Psychoanalytic Culture and Literature class and if we begin to trivialize the symbolic meaning of these writings we would not be threading the culture or the cryptic style of the author's composition." *HUMPH*. Needless to say she shut the hell up. I was SAYING something without SAYING something. I didn't feel like being angry black woman, but I could not sit there and swallow all of the bullish that was going on.

As I progress through my academic and professional career, I begin to see how important it is to begin from a position of arrogance. I am already making a contribution to my discipline by even being a part of it. There will be many people who will seek to undercut my voice, and some may succeed temporarily, but I must continue to assert my position. I'll accept critism, but I will not compromise my thoughts just because someone does not agree with me. F that. No matter who they are or where they're from.

Alright enough of this *two pounds to the chest*

Wednesday, September 10, 2003

What to do....what to do. Have you ever had a feeling of inner discomfort? I have been feeling very uncomfortable for the last couple of days. There is something that I think I should do, but I'm holding back. I prayed about it, but the feeling is still here. I'll wait. Yeah...I'll wait to see what His answer will be. Even though you guys don't know what in the world I'm talking about, it felt good to write that out......as inarticulate as it was.

When does a person know that it is time to change their friends? I believe that you can grow out of or into people. I feel like the older I get the more I am growing out of certain friends. Is a person being disinteresting enough of a reason to distance yourself from them? I understand that you can have different friends for different things, but I'm not talking about seasonings and recipes I'm talking about people that affect the quality of my life. I don't know. Maybe I'm thinking on things too hard.

I want to get tickets to the Urban World Film Festival in NYC. There will be panels of directors, actors, and producers like Sam Jackson, Debbie Allen, Spike Lee and many others. They will also be showing short films, documentaries and a couple of new movies that will release within the next year. The one that I want to catch at the festival is a new joint with Sanna Lathan and Denzel Washington. It's a romantic drama....I don't remember the name. The festival will be Sept. 17-21. Good stuff. I went to another one that they had last year it was pretty good I enjoyed myself. The tickets were a bit too high for my blood, but it was good none the less.

The block on lock
The trunk stay locked
The glock on cock
The block stay hot


I'm ready to get that E. Badu CD. The beat to her first single is gutter.

Friday, September 05, 2003

Could the city of New York think of anything more humiliating than to put all of the public assistance welfair reform workers in bright blue (not even royal blue, but an electric blue) uniforms? These people walk around the city for about $5.65 an hour and sweep the city streets and change garbage cans. Would a black or navy blue uniform not do? Why do they have to look so ostentatious just to pick up trash? It's absurd. Where has the value and order in the universe gone?! Just another underhanded way to try and humiliate some of the poverty stricken citizens. Who walks around wearing electric blue pants???? It is literally impossible to blend electric blue pants with a normal shirt or jacket. I would know becuse I am extremely fashion literate. If you work at McDonalds or a movie theater or wherever you can hide the uniformed top and blend the pants in with your everyday wear. You can not do this if you are working for the city in a welfair reform program and are wearing electric blue pants. It may seem like a trivial detail to all of you, but to me it screams "IF WE HELP YOU GET A JOB WE MUST HUMILIATE YOU IN THE PROCESS WHILE PAYING YOU VERY LITTLE". Later for that. NYC kills me.

I went into a store with every intention on buying items that I drooled over the previous week, but to my dismay none of what I planned on copping was there. This is my favorite pet peeve (oxymoron if you will). I hate to make plans for something that is not yet in my possession and then when I go to claim it....it's simply not there to claim. DOMMIT. What part of the game is that?? I just can't let it go either.....I search I dig....I go to a sister store to see if they may have it...I look on line...I ask friends that live in other cities to see if it may be in their stores. It's just hard for me to relinquish my vision......yes people I have visions... brilliant ones at that (in my humble opinion). I still have not learned my lesson. Even if I have money to purchase the item, sometimes I will hold out (I'm an indecisive Libra what can I say). Let me tell you what I went to the store for: one tight fitting maroon soccer jacket, a silk stripped halter top, a distressed leather hat in espresso brown (sick), a four piece comic plate set from Pottery Barn. I need those things! You don't understand....having them will make me a better person! I will be able to jump higher, run faster, everyone will love me if i can just have the precious................okay that was a really strange moment right there. It's okay though...I will have new visions and opportunities to acquire new things that will instantly plummet in value as soon as I walk out of the store. If you all could shed just one tear for my loss that would be greatly appreciated. k...tanks.

Thursday, September 04, 2003

Errrrrrrrr......anyone notice anything different (I aim to please- what can i say)? I am part of a devotional email group and there are four of us who rotate every week and send out spiritually centered emails. I type my devotionals up in all CAPS. I really like how CAPS look it also makes life easier for me. I send out the devotional to my madre's email and she complains that it feels like I'm screaming at her through the type.........this shouldn't bother her since I scream at her in real life...hee hee. I told her that not everyone feels the same way about the CAPS. Obviously I was wrong. You guys are some complaining azz folk. Soon I'll be receiving emails about my veggie cursing.....if it's not one thing it's another. I tried to type a court report in all CAPS and give it to the judge....my boss wouldn't let me (by the way..isn't that such a derogatory term: BOSS....nobody bosses me around so i should really stop using that term).

So, I have been practicing my dance technique. Even though I hate the name 'chicken head' and doing that dance makes me feel like I am admitting to being one in some way.....I have mastered it. When I look at myself in the mirror I be like DAMN GYRL....YOU TwErKiN' that thang. I kick it...y'all just don't know. I am ashamed to admit that it took me far too long to master the 'c-walk'. I was not catching on to the fact that the upper body must be stiff while your lower body (mostly feet) do all the work....I was putting a bit too much neck and hip into it. Now i have it locked down so come see me if you want some of this. I got the 'so fresh so clean' down...you know the dance where it looks like you're brushing yourself off. Theres a new dance every other week. Things get played quickly, especially the Jamaican dances.....I can't keep up with all that stuff. If I'm showed then I can do it. I would love to get on the Wade Robinson show man. I am way better than most of those clowns. Shiiiiii...I'm better than Wade. The only thing is...... I would want to skip the choreographed part. I am not good at direction (AND 1-AND 2-AND 3 doesn't really work for me). Plus I have an awful memory....I don't retain information that well....it kinda needs to be drilled into my itsy bitsy shark brain. If you put me on a stage to freestyle I will mop the floor with most anybody.....I'm a grown woman and I still can freak it like i'm 16 or something. I love to dance with guys from the south because they really dance. They don't just try to do some two step and dry hump your buttocks (I mean I'm sure they do...but they know how to dance if need be). Every time I have danced with a guy from the south they really hold it down. They can pop and all that....I love that. I love a guy that can dance. My cousin Adam can dance well too. He's about 22 now. We always danced by the pool at family BBQ's and Christmas and stuff. He's in ATL now :(. My family loves to watch me dance at holiday gatherings. They just gather round me and................okay enough already. I guess you guys get the point. One time this white girl from the neighborhood came up to me and told me that my brother taught her how to dance. I nearly fell out. My brother can not dance a lick. He has two left feet (he can do that thing where you jump over one leg...but that has nothing to do with beat). When the chick told me all I thought was- the blind leading the blind. Carlton does a better job then my brother. Too bad this talent is so waisted.

Am I the only one that thinks that Pharrell looks like an overgrown ant? He has a big ant face. Moving on...................What is this new trend with all these mummbled mouth guys? Like Puffy and 50......why don't they speak clearly? What are they saying? Always mummbling something in an interview. Huh? Wah? Speak the hellz up. As Jaime Fox says, "they got juicy mouth". All those juices they have in their mouths are swirling around. *Pulling myself back into my chair after falling out of it laughing*

There are a ton of these mummbled mouth\ juicy mouth cats out there. Mick Jagger and Prince Charles have a case of the mummble mouth too. If you can think of anyone else please let me know. Others that I have thought of have escaped me ...............you know memory thing. Okay I have to go to traffic court in PA with my friend.....long drive...longer story. Ciao-

Tuesday, September 02, 2003

MY BLOG SPOT IS A MESS. AS YOU CAN SEE. THIS FORMAT IS TOSSED. YOU HAVE TO KEEP SCROLLING BACK AND FORTH TO FINISH READING SENTENCES. IT'S ENOUGH TO TURN ANYBODY OFF (AND LET'S NOT EVEN GET INTO READING IN ALL CAPS...LOL). BARE WITH ME K?? PLEASE DON'T RUNAWAY AND NOT READ ANYMORE K?? I WUV WOOOO!!!!

THIS WEAKEND (MISPELL ON PURPOSE) WAS DUMB BORING. I DID END UP HAVING DINNER WITH MY FAMILY. MY UNCLE CAME OVER FROM CALI AND ANNOUNCED HIS NEW ENGAGEMENT TO HIS FIANCE'........LET'S NOT PULL OUT THE CONFETTI TOO QUICK PEOPLE. I DON'T KNOW. IN A WAY I AM KIND OF WONDERING WHAT SHE SEES IN HIM. IS THAT SUCH A WRONG THING TO THINK? Y'ALL DON'T EVEN KNOW THIS CAT. HE HAS CHANGED A BIT....AND I MUST ADMIT THIS LAST VISIT WAS NOT NEARLY AS MISERABLE AS OTHER VISITS HE HAS HAD IN THE PAST. HE'S JUST ONE OF THOSE KINDS OF PEOPLE YOU JUST DON'T LIKE TO BE AROUND FOR TOO LONG BECAUSE HE ALWAYS SAYS UNDERHANDED CUTTING THINGS. IS THE TERM I'M LOOKING FOR PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE?? I'M NOT A PSYCH SPECIALIST SO I DON'T KNOW. HE'S THE TYPE OF DUDE THAT SAYS ALOT OF INAPPROPRIATE THINGS AND TRIES TO PASS IT OFF AS A JOKE OR LIKE HE WASN'T TRYING TO OFFEND YOU. HE IS ALSO THE KIND OF CAT THAT WILL TALK A WHOLE IN YOUR HEAD, BUT THEN WHEN YOU WOULD LIKE TO ADD TO THE CONVERSATION HE INSTANTANIOUSLY GETS BORED AND WANTS TO END THE DISCUSSION OR CHANGE THE SUBJECT.....ESPECIALLY IF YOU'RE A WOMAN. THIS DOESN'T ROCK TOO WELL WITH ME...OR MY MOM FOR THAT MATTER. AFTER ALL I AM MY MOTHER'S CHILD. THEY ARE SIBLINGS SO SHE HAS HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS CHARACTER FLAW HER WHOLE LIFE. HE'S A DOCTOR (SURGEON TO BE EXACT), BUT IF YOU SPOKE TO HIM YOU'D THINK HE WORKED IN THE SUPREME COURT BECAUSE HE LOVES TO JUDGE PEOPLE. AM I JUDGING HIM BY EVEN SAYING THAT? (YES YOU SAY?....SHUT UP..MIND YOUR BUSINESS..WHO ASKED YOU).

WELL HIS FIANCE LOOKS JUST LIKE TAMIA AND THE CHICK HE DEALT WITH BEFORE (WHO HE HAD A CHILD WITH) LOOKS LIKE TYRA BANKS. THEY ARE BOTH SWEET WOMEN AND I LIKED THEM BOTH IMMEDIATELY. AT THE SAME TIME I THINK, WHAT KIND OF WOMEN ARE THEY TO DEAL WITH A CLOWN LIKE HIM. OF COURSE I'M NOT GOING TO ASKS THEM THAT BECAUSE I WOULD BE BEING DISLOYAL TO MY FAMILY. I JUST CAN'T FIGURE OUT FOR THE LIFE OF ME WHAT THEY SEE IN HIM. EH............. I WON'T BOTHER CONCERNING MYSELF WITH IT.

IN OTHER NEWS...............THE MEDIA SAYS THAT TWEED IS IN THIS FALL. HASN'T IT ALWAYS BEEN IN DURING THE FALL? THEY ACT LIKE THE WORLD JUST DISCOVERED TWEED OR SOMETHING. THE ONE NEW THING THAT IS HAPPENING IS THAT THERE ARE MANY DIFFERENT COLORS BEING PLAYED WITH.....SO YOU CAN COP A PAIR OF RED OR ORANGE TWEED PANTS THROW ON SOME HEELS AND WORK IT OUT. I KNOW, I KNOW.....RED TWEED PANTS DO SOUND SCARY, BUT WEAR IT WITH OTHER MUTED COLORS SO YOU ARE NOT LOOKING TOO ABSURD. TRUST ME ON THIS.

I GOT MY HAIR CUT. IT'S NOW A KIND OF BLUNT CUT HITTING THE MIDDLE OF MY NECK. JET BLACK. I'M A FOX. NO REALLY I AM....MY LAST NAME IS FOX. FYI......KINKY HAIR CAN NOT BE CUT WET THEN BE EXPECTED TO LOOK EVEN ONCE BLOWN OUT. KINKY HIAR MUST BE CUT DRY. THOUGHT YOU'D WANT TO KNOW THAT IF YOU EVER TRIED CAUSE I WAS LOOKING LIKE EDWARD SCISSOR HANDS DID A NUMBER ON ME. MY HAIRDRESSER HAD TO CUT IT AGAIN AFTER IT WAS DRY TO GET IT EVEN.

LET ME LEAVE THE MEN WITH THIS THOUGHT......... GET A CLUE AND UNDERSTAND THAT JUST BECAUSE I WOMAN WANTS YOU TO HOLD HER OR BE AFFECTIONATE DOES NOT MEAN SHE WANTS TO HAVE SEX. MARRIED OR NOT. IT IS SO FREAKING ANNOYING. SOMETIMES A WOMAN JUST NEEDS TO BE HELD OR WANTS YOU TO CUDDLE, RUB HER BACK, RUB HER BUTT OR WHATEVER. GET PAST THE ANIMAL ANGST OF WANTING TO RIP HER CLOTHES OFF AND JUST KEEP IT LIGHT. DON'T RUIN THE MOMENT BY BEING SELFISH. YOU BUTTHEADS!!.................I JUST SAW SOMETHING ONLINE THAT INSPIRED ME TO WRITE THAT (IN ADDITION TO EXPERIENCING THAT ANNOYANCE FIRST HAND). EVERY PHYSICAL MOMENT DOES NOT HAVE TO BE A SEXUAL MOMENT. IF THE PERCENTAGE THAT YOU ARE BEING PHYSICALLY SEXUAL OUTWEIGHS THE AMOUNT OF TIME THAT YOU ARE BEING PHYSICALLY AFFECTIONATE THEN THERE IS A SERIOUS PROBLEM. IT'S ALMOST LIKE SPANKING A CHILD MORE THAN YOU HUG THEM. GET YOUR MIND RIGHT.

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